Damn-it Steve: Flashback, May 2010

Damn-it Steve: Flashback, May 2010: Pulled out of my journal... Steve had to get the girls today at 2:00 because Kara wanted to see her daughter run in a track meet. I could...

Flashback, May 2010

Pulled out of my journal...

Steve had to get the girls today at 2:00 because Kara wanted to see her daughter run in a track meet. I couldn't take off so that left Steve.  Between 2:00 and when I came home at 5:00 Steve painted the girls toes and being a guy he doesn't know how to do that well so there is hot pink polish on toes, skin and clothes and apparently he let them paint his toe...I hid the remover.  He also taught them how to blow spit bubbles.  DO you have any idea how disgusting that is!?  On command he can make the lip smacking muah sound and like clock work the girls start making the same sound and creating spit bubbles that they think is hysterical and then they try to pop them.    Spit bubbles are disgusting esp coming from a toddler since all that happens is nasty drooling.  Apparently he didn't show this next thing to H but I have my doubts.  She can let spit slip out of her mouth and suck it back in before it falls.  YUCK again and again.  I'm not sure what else occurred in that small window but I'm sure it's nothin' good!

When He's on, He's on

When Steve is in charge of the girls he gets very creative.  I remember 10 years ago leaving him with my nephew.  My sister and I said we would only be gone 10 minutes, he should be fine.  Well of course in those moments alone little C pooped!  Not knowing how to tackle a poopy diaper he took the diaper off, grabbed a paper plate and set his butt on there so poop wouldn't get anywhere.  Smart since he didn't know how to hold with one hand and wipe with the other!  As a father, he became a master diaper changer I will say.  Now with a little girl who wears princess dresses, dressy dresses or any kind of dress she can get on he has stumbled into another pickle.  How to help her pee without letting her dress touch the water....pull it over her head.  She does it every time now!  Nice one Steve!

Let the Pictures tell this Story

I work from home now which means I need to sneak into our home office whenever possible and the best times to do that is when Daddy is home.  My girls are a tiny wild and tough but in this crazy world I really want them to be...tough not wild.  Anyway the photos below explain how they became this way.

He is literally tossing them and they are loving it.  Meanwhile I am just waiting for an injury.  Of course the injuries will only happen on my protective watch! 

Worse than poop Words

After writing the post on Steve and his lovely poop songs I realized, thanks to KKS, that I do need to lighten up a bit.  Although singing and using poop words is inappropriate it is very entertaining and the laughter that comes from them over rules all else. With that said I think I need to draw the line at the following 3 comments.  Now before I list them I must tell you that this all happened before he left for work at 9:30 and we didn’t even get up until shortly after 8.

1. after the dogs had a wrestling match, one dog humped the other dog as a sign of dominance whatever happens all the time.  Steve proclaims, "lick her in the front poke her in the rear!"  This was immediately followed by L saying, "lick her in the rear!"
2. reminding the girls to wipe only from front to back Steve says, " front to back but don't touch the sac."
3. And lastly after I gave him a look of death for the constant foot in the mouth he tells me "cool your jets Momma."

I'm not too sure how long this man is going to live.

Poop and Other Lovely Words

I, more often than I feel I should, have the conversation with Steve that he has to watch his mouth around the girls and act more like a father/role model and not a big brother.  Just this morning I shot him a look as the girls were giggling.  His response, before my head was even turned all the way towards him, was "I know.  I just can't help it."  This was after he was singing some sort of poop song while we were eating breakfast.  He was even  all dressed up and ready for work.  I don't know if that should matter but typically people tend to act in accordance to how they are dressed?? No?  The look on his face was remarkable because he looked genuinely concerned that he has no control over the words that come out of his mouth.  As if some little man lives inside him and just blurts words out.  He looks...truly...baffled.  Amazed that we even have these conversations.  Amazed.

No Throwing Balls in the House

Before I left the career world to stay home with my girls we were able to afford a cleaning lady.  She would come once a week and I would step into my home and feel a wonderful calmness rush over me, and I was happy.  As with most families the rules are many but one usually tops the list; don't throw balls in the house.  Well, I came home and asked S what happened to the yellow vase I loved that typically sat on the shelf in the kitchen?  This was a special vase to me.  It was cheap but a little old lady I adored gave it to me so the value was untouchable.  He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.  Hmmm very suspicious.  One- he isn't a good liar and two- he acts like a boy.  Well well well.  Look who is still here cleaning.  The cleaning girl totally ratted him out.  Him and the girls were not throwing bouncy balls or rubber balls or even tennis balls.  They were throwing golf balls.
 END. OF. STORY.

Peeing in the Tubby

L rushed to the bathroom to pee with H a few steps behind.  As I was helping L I looked over at H who was making her way into the tubby.  I asked her what she was doing and she told me since L was on the potty she was going in the tubby.  WHAT? Eww!  Flashback walking in on Steve and the girls.  Horror as he was holding H over the tub because L was on the toilet.  She quickly reminded me that is what Daddy does.  Damn-it Steve!

after thought- some comments (on FB) I've been getting on this post made me realize I was NOT clear in my wording.  Steve DOES NOT pee in the tubby- he holds whatever girl doesn't make it to the potty over the tubby when they both desperately need to go.

Do you Pants your Spouse?

Do you pants your wife? Spouse?  Kids? Parents? Friends?  Well my husband pantses me on a daily basis.  Usually not in public but he thinks because we own the yard that it isn't public.  I would have to say our neighbors disagree, as do I.  Mostly though it is in the house for his own enjoyment.   A full basket of clothes in my hands.  As soon as I get dressed.  While I am washing the dishes so I can't grab them or pull them back up quick enough. .  Him and the girls laugh at underwear Mommy doing the dishes.  The worst is when I have the draw string tied and he doesn't realize it and my knees buckle.  This has, more than once, caused me to fall to the ground.  He made the mistake of pantsing me twice in one day.  A quick open hand to the face took him back a step.  I told him loud and clear that crosses the line buddy.   You would think he would learn quick but nope, he took a few hits to the face before he limited himself.   Over the years he has taken it back to only a few times a week since the girls started pantsing me.  How humiliating?!  Now he does it randomly when he kids and neighbors aren't looking.  One of these days he will grow up and stop doing it all together but the laughter that follows every single one is a gift I will not take from him...just yet.

Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up

I wanted to incorporate stories about my lovely third child, Steve AKA my husband but didn't want it to take over my new2two so I created this blog, Damn-it Steve!
I really wanted to name this blog "shut up shut up shut up" because of a funny story but it was taken.  It then dawned on me that my favorite phrase is probably "Damn it Steve!" 
I came home from running errands one day, about a year or so ago, the girls were only 2 and he told me he knows what I do when we get of the phone with each other.  I said, innocently but nervous, "what?"  He then proceeded to tell me that L was pretending to be on the phone with him and when she said good bye she closed the phone (it was one of our old flip phones she uses) and slammed it on the table repeatedly saying just as fast "shut up shut up shut up!"
Hmmm I guess he's right, I should be more cautious.  That was a year ago and nothing has changed.  They are 3 now and really repeating things.  Ugh New years resolution: Watch MY Mouth!